I was talking to a small group about how to maintain balance in our lives. I tossed off the line “your balance is where you say it is” when they seemed concerned that they were somehow missing the mark. I was struck by how quickly faces relaxed, shoulders dropped and smiles emerged. They seemed to say “you mean I don’t have to be a different person?” and “I don’t have to have different goals?”
Balance, Like Beauty, is in the Eye of the Beholder
Some people thrive on work and don’t understand why the rest of us are such slackers. For others, the amount they need to work to maintain their lifestyle causes them to compromise what they consider a life. Some people refuse to be balanced. What they do instead is plan for burnout at the end of her big projects. Jonathan Fields, in his book Uncertainty, creates oases of rigid routine in his home life when he’s in the chaos of creating at work.
There have been a lot of words typed and ink spilled on this topic and many of them tiptoe very close to being judge-y. An epic amount of mental energy went into evaluating Sheryl Sandberg’s take on this subject. I appreciated that she sharing her wisdom on what it takes to get to the upper echelons of the corporate world but, frankly, it’s not a path most of us are on, male or female. What is fascinating is the amount of heat that this discussion can generate.
I sometimes wonder if people think that my regard for mindfulness means that I’m trying to push some kind of “unicorn dancing in the fields” version of work-life balance. Or that it’s a mark of your character when you’re calm, on time, fulfilled, engaged and charmingly available at all times. I assure you that I’m not.
Know When You’ve Hit Your Edge
You can ask anyone who knows me well – I am no poster child for balance, either in practice or belief. What I do firmly endorse is to know when you leave your own point of balance and start to lean on your stress crutches. And this is where the gift of mindfulness bears fruit. With a consistent-ish practice of mindfulness you start getting aware of the messages of stress. Maybe your sign is impatience or cravings, or maybe a tightness in your body, perhaps a change breathing patterns. My wake-up call is exactly that — I wake up with rapid breathing, already feeling the pressure of the day on me before I leave my bed.
Here are a few body messages that people have identified as their call for some serious TLC:
- Suddenly craving a lot of sweet things – or “needing” something sweet or mood-altering to get through
- Awake at 2 in the morning, worrying about the load of the next day
- Not being able to remember things from conversations, where you left things, why you went into that room
- Bad digestion
- A jump in worrying or feeling helpless to take action on the things that are troubling you
Quiet your mind for a minute. Check in with your body right now. What is it for you? What is your body trying to tell you about your life?