Goal setting is one of the most important parts of bringing your vision to fruition. But what a tangled thicket some of us have to climb through to get there. Too much like work, I often hear. Some people do better when they work with the intentions – the idea of setting a general direction or theme for accomplishment and grabbing opportunities that push you in that direction. Others like the idea of practices – daily rituals that will create space in your life for the good stuff to show up.
One Day at a Time
Carrie Wilkerson, The Barefoot Executive and all-around amazing woman, describes that digging herself out of six figure debt, building a business and losing 110 pounds – while raising four kids – was accomplished one day at a time, one choice at a time. I asked her how she set her goals and she replied: “I set benchmark goals, but some days it really is just ‘today I am drinking water instead of diet soda’ and that’s the best I can do. Daily seems less overwhelming than 40 lbs by my birthday, etc.” Her edge of change was in each moment she chose to do something good for herself.
Why is goal setting so highly charged? According to Robert Maurer, author of The Kaizen Way, the brain is designed so that any new challenge or opportunity or desire triggers some degree of fear. So the bigger the goal, the bigger the fear. Fear is very creative and can make compelling arguments about failure, shame, how success changes us or any of the myriad of fears we humans are able to conjure out of nothing.
The brain is hardwired for fear and has a circular stress/fear/stress loop that is ingenious. Once you activate the stress response by taking on taking on a difficult goal, breaking out of the loop is a major success in its own right. Here’s how it works – thinking of a goal stimulates the amygdala, which is designed to focus on threats and act quickly on them. The amygdala stimulates the fight-or-flight response which ultimately floods your body with cortisol. Cortisol then suppresses the hippocampus, which normally keeps the amygdala in check (along with making the memories that put fear in context). This takes the brakes of the amygdala, leading to more cortisol, and around we go again.
At the same time, your prefrontal cortex, the voice of reason and rationality, takes a hit in strength. So when your body produces the sensations that you relate to danger – like heart pounding – the sense-talking PFC has changed sides and is backing up the amygdala. As Rick Hanson, author of Buddha’s Brain, put it so well, “It’s like being in a car with an out of control driver who thinks everyone else is an idiot.”
The people that love making goals can take the body sensations of fear and anxiety and turn them into another emotion – like excitement. They come to life when they sense a challenge. Keeners, true, but they provide a big clue for the goal-averse.
Find the edge of fear/excitement that you can live with and work it on a daily basis.
It’s the sweet spot where you feel a little clammy from anxiety, but your brain hasn’t been hijacked by fear. Those small consistent goals let you bypass the amygdala and strengthen your response to stress. Push, push, push against that edge on a daily basis. Don’t forget to breathe – it helps with recovery. Have compassion when you push too far. But once you’ve settled back down, return to the edge and start again.
Image: Death to Stock
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