Christmas is on the horizon. So is a touch of insanity.
Each year it all starts so well, with the shiny promise of a light, love, sparkles and generosity. And we get there. We do get there. It’s just the road between here and there gets a little bumpy. Or teeth-grindey. Or tear-laden. Or something like that.
I get pre-stress stress. Nothing’s even happening yet and I’m feeling tense and my shoulders are heavier. I know the amount of work it takes to get this holiday shiny and bright. I’ve been to this rodeo before. Dreading being tired causes more trouble than just being tired. I’m tired in advance. See what I said – insanity.
Within a day or two of launching the season I feel horribly behind. And I can’t have fun until the work is done. And, as we all know, the work is never done. There’s always a quick refresh of your home to do, a handmade this or that to make, a new stylish something or other and an extra special touch for your extra special loves.
A peak moment – one for the album – happened a few years ago when a friend arrived to pick me up for a Christmas brunch. I came to the door, sobbing. She was immediately concerned, assuming this level of meltdown meant something really terrible had happened. She was ready to help. I sputtered and sobbed and with racked breath I was finally able to get out, “I don’t have cookies to bring.” She gave me a quizzical look and a second chance to share this horrible misfortune that had befallen me. “I was going to bring cookies, and I don’t have them to bring.” She leaned back as if I was going to infect her and said, “Girl, this is what crazy looks like.”
So, what happens to lose perspective to such an laughable degree? It’s a serious over-use and abuse of my nervous system. Here’s the list of too much: demands, events, tasks, ambitions, self-imposed pressure. Here’s the list of too little: quiet, restoration, living in the moment, time-outs. All the “too much” causes a continuous triggering of the stress response and my poor nervous system doesn’t have time to balance and restore. I can’t tell what’s a real danger and what’s normal anymore. My stress alarm system is clanging away to the slightest whiff.
There are specific exercises you can do to trigger your relaxation response to stay in balance. It’s just at Christmas, with the excitement of all the activity, those moments and exercises are the first to go to make room for more, more, more.
One of my mentors, Dr. Jeffrey Brantley, has some ideas to fit the relaxation response into the busy times. He was our meditation teacher at Duke, and his kindly manner was the perfect invitation to giving mindfulness a try.
During the holiday season, give yourself time each day for rest and play. You may need to schedule this, just as you would schedule a meeting or a lunch date with a friend. Also, learn to use the time you are waiting for something or someone as “free time.” Practice being mindful and connecting and being present through paying gentle attention during these times.
Posted by Deirdre Walsh, Image: Deirdre Walsh
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