Here’s an idea that usually makes people start eyeing the exit – how you tolerate discomfort is probably the biggest block between you and what you want out of life. I’m talking about that moment of discomfort when you can get on with the hard creative thing, or you can [insert personal choice of mindless soothing activity]. I know I go for checking my emails far more than I’m happy with.
I was at a party once chatting with a professional photographer who travelled to the Arctic with his son, to expand his talents as both a photographer and a father. I was fascinated with his adventures, but when he talked about pitching a tent – in the snow, in the Arctic – my eyes glazed over. I was completely distracted by how horrible that sounded. As he was leaving, he stopped by and gave me a piece of advice I’ll never forget: “If you could ever get over being a princess, you could have a very interesting life.” It was then that the connection between an interesting, successful life and ability to tolerate discomfort was planted in me.
The crazy thing is that we tolerate discomfort all the time. You can recognize it in the things we complain about, day in and day out. Can’t find anything to wear in your messy closet? Unfinished projects cluttering up your storage space? Your weekend work event conflicts with an important family milestone? Sometime our acceptance of tolerations makes life feels just like Dr. Seuss’ The Waiting Place.
The tolerations, insidious energy drainers they are, come in a different sizes. Annoyances are the small things in life that we don’t take care of. We ignore them, glossing over that they tax our attention and energy. We overlook them until they accumulate and cause a temporary breakdown of routine before they really start bugging us. The larger complaints, the ones that are difficult to solve, create tension in us and in our relationships. They crowd the fun out of life when their demands seem overwhelming.
We are conscious of how these tolerations diminish the quality of our life. But why do we get so complacent about them? We probably accept them as normal because we don’t know how to effectively handle them. The danger is that we use up our entire budget for discomfort on stupid stuff that keeps us held in place. We have no room for the discomfort of growth because we have spent it all on the discomfort of stagnation.
Choose Creative Discomfort
I vote for saving discomfort for the mucky process of creating something great and really interesting in life. Look at your tolerations and list them with the costliest ones (time and energy) at the top. If you need help making your list, here are 1001 tolerations to spark you.
Do a visualization of your life with the toleration removed. What is different? Brainstorm ways to resolve tolerations by either doing it, delegating it, delaying it or dumping it. For the tolerations that have no easy resolution, think about how you can be more engaged when you respond to them, moving beyond reacting with frustration or guilt. Once you’ve tackled that toleration, rinse and repeat. You’ll have space to roll in the muck of creating a health, vibrant life before you know it.