Stress is like the water we swim in. Modern life is full of hassles, deadlines, frustrations, and demands. For many of us, stress is so commonplace that it has become a way of life.
In small doses, it can help us perform under pressure and motivate us to do our best. But when we’re constantly running in emergency mode, our mind and body pay the price.
When we visited Los Angeles over March break I had one of my most favorite meals (well top 25, anyways) at a cafeteria style restaurant called Forage. The lunch was delicious, no doubt. But the thing that really caught my attention was their commitment to locally grown produce. Not just from farms nearby, but from local neighbours. Once a week they’ll buy produce grown by gardeners in the neighbourhood and create their week’s menu around it. How cool is that? (more…)
Whenever I meet someone who is interested in growth and continuing to unlock their potential they usually mention Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It seems like her book is on the required reading list for squeezing more juice out of life.
Julia has a very change-friendly approach. She suggests creating a zone of safety that allows you to experiment and test. It also helps you get to know those internal voices that can stop us dead or lead us to a new ease with life – our inner critic and our inner champion.
Any time we get close to the edge of growth we stir up the inner critic. I’ve written about it here. When we start to take on new challenges, this critical voice can stop us from even beginning to change. It may be so overbearing and judgemental that we seek self soothing behaviors such as eating, drinking, excessively watching TV, sleeping or shopping, etc. in order to drown it out.
Most people are not aware that this judgemental voice is not real. It’s running critical commentary has been there since childhood and it feels quite natural. As Cheri Huber, Zen teacher, says: “That voice inside your head is not the voice of God – it just sounds like it thinks it is.” The inner critic’s self-appointed job is to spare us the shame and pain that might come from trying and failing. But, with irony abound, the inner critic makes us feel the endless shame and pain it’s trying so hard to save us from.
As coach Michael Neill puts so well: “The problem is not that you say horrible things to yourself; the problem is that you listen to them.” What I’ve found helpful in dealing with this voice is to understand that it’s our mind’s misguided attempt to keep us out of trouble. Our brain vigilantly defends us from danger by pumping out the stress chemicals that make us want to fight or flee the situation. Before it does that it floods us with these critical judgements that make us doubt our competence to even try.
There is another, softer, voice that is there to guide you during change, if you take the time to listen for it. Your inner champion is the internal voice that supports resilience, confidence and, ultimately has us be more successful in life. According to Dr. Amy Johnson, a psychotherapist and life coach, the inner champion has three characteristics that make it very different from the inner critic:
The Inner Champion springs from two other neural systems in our brain – the system that draws us to rewards and pleasure and the one the one that bonds and attaches us to close groups. It draws us towards creating, exploring, connecting and enhancing the lives of those around us. But because we were designed to survive threat first, the inner champion is like a beautiful bird singing outside the window while the inner critic belts out punk tunes with her band at the front of the room.
This story describes the tussle between the two voices so beautifully:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between 2 wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, worry, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Image: Supergirl, iStockphoto
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For some reason Mother Nature has been particularly indulgent of us this year. The sun is our companion almost daily and at every window is a burst of green never seen before in March. The arrival of spring brings out my giddy excitement about changing our weekly menu. I pull out all the cookbooks and dream of all the delicious meals with all the new bounty. There’s something life-affirming about putting away the stews, squashes, brown rice and roasted vegetables. Not to mention visually appealing. Good bye, brown. Hello, emerald! (more…)
People come to coaching because they want to initiate action in their lives and see results. Each person will define action in a different way – it could be integrating new health practices or changing the “feel” of their life. (more…)
Here’s an idea that usually makes people start eyeing the exit – how you tolerate discomfort is probably the biggest block between you and what you want out of life. I’m talking about that moment of discomfort when you can get on with the hard creative thing, or you can [insert personal choice of mindless soothing activity]. I know I go for checking my emails far more than I’m happy with. (more…)