by Deirdre | Jun 11, 2012 | Mindful living
Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have ~ Danielle LaPorte
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the happiness in life comes from what we achieve – that it comes from outside of us. Somehow, mysteriously, the satisfaction of securing it will absorb through our skin and into our hearts. And when the path of achievement gets crooked, we have a tendency to look for fault in our external realities – the difficulties that seem thrown in our path to halt our progress. It doesn’t help that we live in a society that encourages us, and really depends on us, believing that the feelings we’re after can be gained through commerce.
But so much of our daily peace and contentment really happen between our ears. What brings us happiness is staying grounded in the best feelings in life: the sweetness of beauty, love, wisdom, connection. Even knowing this I bet I’m not the only one who gets stuck giving more worried or irritated attention to the things I don’t like. What happens then is that the negative thoughts turn into negative feelings and the craving to fix them starts to chafe. The problem is, as Dan Ariely and Daniel Gilbert have found, when we try to fix our lives we don’t know what will make us happy at all.
So what’s the antidote?
Focus, my friends.
Specifically, understanding how you focus your attention. Focus holds exceptional power because we can use it to create or to stay stuck. Focus on the positive and more positive shows up. Focus on the negative and you’re on a fast train to stressland.
What we focus on shows up more in our life because we see its presence more clearly. It’s like picking a familiar face out of a crowd. We see what’s familiar, not always what’s great. Getting the most from your focus comes from consciously directing your focus towards the feelings that you want. Want to feel love? Focus on where love already exists in your life and cultivate it from there.
We can tell if our focus is off-kilter if our feelings and emotions are negative and energy draining. And when they start to get the better of us, it’s red-alert time to spend some time being mindfully aware of whether our focus is positive or negative.
Here’s a simple exercise from Mary Beth Maziarz, who wrote Kick-Ass Creativity, a wonderful book about making over your energy to unlock your creative powers. She developed this to remind us where our attention is focused and how conscious we are about it:
1. What are your top five focus areas right now? These might be concerns, goals, points of excitement, or areas of attention where you notice yourself directing a lot of thought, feelings, emotion, or conversation.
2. How long has each focus area been prominent for you?
3. If you experienced the exact outcome of your focus in these areas, what would you receive or feel? Are you focusing on a positive or negative outcome?
4. Ask a close friend to list the five things that seem most prominent on your mind lately. Ask if the tone of these five topics represents a fairly typical outlook for you, or if it indicates a downward or upward trend for you. Is there a difference in how you present things to others and how you interpret them yourself?
5. Are your focus areas similar to those close to you? Where do you crave change in your circle? Who do you know who might represent more exciting futures or possibilities? Could you reach out to them?
Posted by Deirdre Walsh
Know someone who would find this interesting?
Share it!
by Deirdre | Jun 1, 2012 | Mindful living
I’ve dabbled a bit in Pinterest in the past few months, but nothing serious. I sense it’s highly addictive properties and have tried to ignore the siren call to spend even more time on my computer. But I can’t tune it out any longer. Half a morning spent cruising around the boards has shown me that it’s a better source for some things than Google or Facebook. And it’s a treasure trove of good ideas for healthy living and goal-setting. (more…)
by Deirdre | May 30, 2012 | Mindful living
Landscape recalls you into a mindful mode of stillness, solitude and silence where you can truly receive time. ~ John O’Donohue
x
An experience with beauty can transcend us for a moment from the grind of our daily experience and offer a moment of the healing that comes from rest. To experience beauty is to enjoy a delight to the senses. It can open our heart, ease our mind and remind us of the greater joys of life that live beyond stress.
Beauty is everywhere and always accessible when you begin to look for it. (more…)
by Deirdre | May 18, 2012 | Inspired Living
One of my favorite local yoga teachers is a bit of a hike for me, but well worth the trip to the country. She’s named her studio well as there’s a sense of peace just by pulling into the driveway. She’s a treasure of information about the body and its physiology, but her real brilliance lies in her suggestions to approach your yoga flow practice. As I hold the poses and listen to her encouragements, I often think how useful they are to life outside the studio.
Two encouragements that have travelled with me with my flow beyond the studio are “relaxation through action” and “fill the pose, and hold it actively with strength”.
Yoga Flow: Relaxation through action
Is it possible that moving into action doesn’t require meticulous planning, effort and sweat? I don’t have to marshal my forces, work on my list, and climb up that mountain of tasks? Clearly, I don’t have a graceful, flowing ability to get things done. So it’s a real shift in perspective for me to consider that taking action can be a way of getting relaxed.
On the mat it’s so easy to see where the extra effort I use to push into a pose is wasted and painful. As is the pointlessness of the internal chatter about how hard it’s going to be and how others find it easier, blah, blah, blah. In my daily life, it’s not always so clear. Sure, the pain is acute when I’m procrastinating on something important that will take focus and vulnerability. Finally getting into action is such a sweet relief. But do I remember how relaxing it is to get into the flow? Not often enough.
Yoga Flow: Fill the pose, and hold it actively
This thought gets me through many a wavering moment. With this encouragement, Gina asks us to engage fully in a difficult moment with all the energy and strength we can muster. As opposed to the half-hearted, floppy, droopy attempt that sometimes passes as my warrior pose. To me, filling out the pose translates daily into fully stepping into the difficult tasks or conversations and holding firm while staying open. It’s dealing with the discomfort in kind of a badass way. Instead of contracting from the discomfort, it’s a way of standing tall and saying bring it on.
This week my coach, Tara Mohr, was in town and I had the chance to see her at two different events. Brilliant woman herself, she’s written the 10 Rules for Brilliant Women – a guide to standing with strength and authenticity as you add your voice to the world. I love her take on filling the pose, with the rule “Be an arrogant idiot.” She’s not really counselling that we become that annoyingly confident self-promoter who’s so enamoured with their own unformed ideas that they convince the world of their (faux) brilliance. But she’s suggesting that we adopt their unwavering belief in their abilities and take a few steps in that direction.
Posted by Deirdre Walsh
Image: Yoga at Sunrise
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends!
by Deirdre | Apr 30, 2012 | Mindful living
Stress is like the water we swim in. Modern life is full of hassles, deadlines, frustrations, and demands. For many of us, stress is so commonplace that it has become a way of life.
In small doses, it can help us perform under pressure and motivate us to do our best. But when we’re constantly running in emergency mode, our mind and body pay the price.
(more…)
