You know the ones I mean – those fantastic before and after shots. The one where the person starts out looking like they’ve eaten at one too many buffets and watched one too many reruns of The Real Housewives. Then in some incredible period of time – like six weeks – they’re as sleek and toned as any Hollywood star and taking calls for their own reality show. We all get sucked in to the promise of that kind of miraculous transformation in our lives.
The good news – that kind of transformation is possible. The bad news – the moment when transformation becomes possible is only one moment in the process of change. What you’re not seeing in those miraculous transformations is the years of hard work of deciding to change, of making the tough choices, of learning what will work – the kind of grind you’re very familiar with.
There are four central stages of change – contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance – and each stage has their own lessons to teach you.
- Contemplation is the swamp. You know you want to make a change, but you go back and forth with the costs and benefits. You probably talk a lot about it and your friends eventually start changing the subject when you bring it up yet again. You may have made a few attempts at change, but things just didn’t work out. You feel frustrated with your inability to get this done and secretly feel like a bit of a failure. What you don’t realize is that you are perfectly normal and engaged in the hard work of this stage. A lot of my clients arrive at this stage and we work through their ambivalence.
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- Preparation is a much lighter, hopeful stage. You have connected with the truly meaningful and positive benefits of changing. Or you’ve absorbed the damage that will surely occur if you don’t get your butt in gear. You feel the inevitability of change in your bones. In the preparation stage you get into researcher mode and start looking at what making the change will really, actually take. You start looking for answers from the experts – nutritionists, personal trainers, nurses, doctors, etc. Maybe you join a group of like-minded souls who will teach, guide and support you. It’s tempting to rush through this stage, but every one of your lukewarm attempts has taught you the frustration of not being prepared.
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- Action is at work in those miraculous before and afters. You have reached inside and pulled out your motivation and you have taught yourself what change methods work specifically for you. Ready, set, go.
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- Maintenance is seeing the fruits of your hard work. If you’ve absorbed the lessons of the three previous stages then maintenance will be a snap. It’s possible to rush through them, but without the solid foundation the weight creeps back on, or the trips to the gym slow down. Somehow the prized new behavior recedes and you’re back thinking about if you want to take on that change, again.