I’m always admiring and a little bit envious when I meet people who have accomplished transformations in their lives. Admiring because I love to see the results when someone applies their spirit, determination and belief in themselves for a great purpose. Envious because they’re on the other side of all the hard work that goes into one of those transformations. They already pulled themselves from the inertia of the routine. They’ve ignored that internal voice telling them that they’ve had better ideas. And they did it day after day after day.
We all know that the hardest step in transformation is the one where you pull your foot out of the gooey mess that is inertia. It’s like chewing gum on the bottom of your shoe on a hot day. A sticky, stretchy mess that won’t let go. But inertia is not such a warm fuzzy place to hang out either. It’s full of yearning for better, self-doubt about how to get there, and fear of change. It certainly doesn’t have the social cachet of ‘a job well done’, but it is just as critical to success.
In the coaching world this unglamorous stage has a name – contemplation. It’s feels a bit like peering over a fence, trying to see what’s on the other side. You struggle to jump up, get a peek or two, before falling back to the ground. There’s no sense of forward movement, just endless ambivalence. Yet, there’s a very important job to accomplish during the contemplation phase – making sense of what you see on the other side. You are deciding whether you want to pursue what’s over there, how you’re going to pursue it, and when.
Here are a few things to consider as you work your way through contemplation:
- Don’t jump into making any decisions until you feel ready. The moment of rightness will come if you welcome it.
- Important people in your life may be very enthusiastic about helping you change, with lots of good ideas for you. Always remember that you are the best judge of what will be best for you.
- Think about the pluses and minuses of changing. Ambivalence is the name of the game at this stage. Change is hard and you can’t paper over that.
- Consider a lot of options for what you want to accomplish. There’s always more than one way up any mountain.
- Look at what other people have done in the same circumstance. You will find your own route to success, but there’s gold in the success stories of others.
- Ask yourself how ready you are to start working on a plan. Rate your commitment from 1 to 10, with 10 being ‘I’m sitting down for an hour tonight and making the plan’. If your number is low, ask yourself why you think you need to change. Is this your idea, or someone else’s idea? If you’re mid-range, like a 4 to 7, explore what would need to happen to move you up to an 8 or 9.
- Expect your level of commitment to change from day to day. Just notice what’s going on when it seems doable and when it doesn’t.
The reward at the end of contemplation is connecting with what’s over the fence and seeing yourself there. Knowing that you’re writing your own story of hope and achievement and taking the first step to your future.